Nuts,Guts and Cracked Eggs

Sometimes u don’t know what u want in life, until u get kicked in the nuts, literally.

This is precisely what happened to me, on a late freezing winters night I was walking on an abandoned strip outside the city. Minding my own business, lost in my thoughts. Pondering about my personal and professional lives. Evaluating which one was worst, when suddenly I was ambushed by some local goons.  They were three, and each one of them could easily be counted as three.

no wait!

I am not telling u this face to face, u cant see me. haah!! this is an anonymus blog u dont even know my name, or where i live. Damn! u dont know first thing about me. then why the hell I am lying my guts out. Although one thing so far is true, my guts did came out  that day. And yes, no I mean sorry, it was a day not a night but a bright sunny day.

lets start all over again…

It was a bright sunny day. And from where I live, by sunny day we mean that the sun is so close to u that u can pinch his cheeks or count his eye lashes. With absolutly nothing to look farword to professionly and dady’s money to splurge, or whats left of it. I along with two friends, was roaming in a local market .

Before we get ahead. u should know something about my friends. A) they spend more hours in gym than sleeping B) for some reason they only focus on their chests and that of thier female companions. C) after 8 months of A n B they look like letter ‘V’ or ‘W’ if both of them are walking together, i used to call them Humpty and Dumpty.  And D) they both wear pants that are so thight, so tight that sometimes I fear if it possibly can get any tighter, oil will come out of thier bodies.

coming back to where we left off,

so wondering in the streets of a nearby bazaar, with the ‘W’,  dripping like a faucet under the beaming sun, but still managing to look cool shoulders above. I looked at every passing girl,woman, mother of small twins, mediam twins, large twins, extra large…I think I should stop  now(i do have this tendency to go overboard, soon u’ll realize). It was then, when I saw the most beautiful girl that I had seen that whole afternoon. Needles to say that I had fallen hopelessly in love with her. She along with her double d’s, I mean two dee-dee’s (sisters), sorry! Bad tendency, was there, I think, for me and the ‘W’.

With coconut in one hand and handkerchief in other I went towards her . We both looked in each others eyes. Deep purple, she had the most weird n lovely piece of contact lenses on.

hello!, said I.

move!! came the reply, she was a nightingale.

I offered to wipe her forehead. Surprised, she looked at her sisters, which were bieng simultaneously given the full body scan by my trusted aides.

Ruthlessly she took the handkerchief from my hand and threw it on the road. Straight in to the fresh green dung, cow dung.

She and her sisters were gettin agitated, i could see. But I too was her biggest admirer.

As Humpty was still busy giving the body scan and Dumpty was trying all his might to bend (remember the pants) and pickup the handkerchief. While with both my hands I offered her the coconut…”U can have this also!”

And With both of her hands she grabbed my nut, coconut.

with the my big, round, tender and juicy coconut in her hands (LOL!!!) she looked at her sisters, standing by her each shoulder. I was ecstatic, as  both of them gave her the nod. she raised the coconut over her sweaty forehead and  passed it to her sister. Which wasn’t too bad herself, or in absolute terms doable (Sorry!). Humpty’s eyes were fixed,He stood their motionless, senseless. What he saw transcended him in to another world. And Dumpty was still triyng to pickup the rag. I was the only with the eye contact.

HAAIYAA! one of them cried.

and with all her might one sister threw or rather slammed that coconut on humpty’s head. And like any guy who just had been hit on the back of his head by a huge coconut, he fell! The slamming of the coconut made a loud noise. Unable to comprehend what has happened, Dumpty hurriedly move back up and in that process the back of his pants, barely holding, couldn’t resist any more and gave away. With no boxers and the most ugliest part of his body now on public display , embarresed as hell he ran with his hands covering his modesty with all his streangth he could conjure up in those chicken legs, he ran!

I was the last man standing in front of  Charlie’s angels, not to mention three sets of beedy but ferocious looking Green, deep purple and orange eyes,.

And with another cry of HAAIYAA!!…. it was the last sound I remember  that came of those luscious lips. My dream girl planted one, right in my large but soft spot. 😦

Eyes went red, blood supply  in the head stopped. My balls came in my mouth and I fell.

I woke up in a hospital later that night, thankfully no complaint was filled.

With a whole night to myself, nursing my cracked eggs. I thought long and hard (unlike my… 😦 ) about my life. Trying to find the answers to boring questions like what have i became, what is going to be my future, what shoud i do with my life. And after hours n hours of deep thinking I finally discovered the purpose of my life.

I have realized that to get that sacred inner peace (which that old green rabbit so gravely brag about), I have to learn karate and find those sisters. And after one week of physical therapy, I will begin my quest and in 2 to 5 years, depending upon my interest level and their availability, I along with Humpty and Dumpty will hunt them individually.

once again

happiness

what does it takes to be happy?

personally, nothing less than a million dollars. or something worth a million dollars.

once again i am standing at a point in my life where my bajillion dollar happiness is slipping out of my hands. I know, I can’t hold on to it, but I am trying everything.

Once again i am standing where i was  8 months ago but with a wiser head and a weaker heart. Once again the future looks uncertain, dark n frightening. Once again I don’t want to look ahead. These feelings are not new to me. I just didn’t knew that they will comeback this soon and with this much force.

Everyone has heard the tales of how shattering a break up is, breaking up with one is difficult. But once again I have to endure the pain of doing it with 4 at once.

How can someone in a few months become so important that the life without it becomes unimaginable. They say history repeats itself and it certainly has in my case. But i don’t think i have it in me to go through it once again.

a year in a life span doesn’t count for much..but I will gladly give my life to live it once again.

I was naive the last time, didn’t knew how to deal with it. Left to suffer the pain of a broken heart. But this time i have given the broken pieces to each one of them. no heart no pain! But that damn empty space, still aches.

***BoxerDog***

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”
“That’s nothing,” an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

Where’s the party tonight?

sadly nowhere.

it has been weeks since I met my friends… it was after the last exam, we all went to the movies.I can still hear some of us whispering then, that this is probably the last time we are all together.But never once i believed in that, then.

I knew that we will continue to meet may be not on daily basis but definitely once if not twice a week.Its has been nearly two months….i have met few of them but we all have not been together since then. Every weekend we plan our reunion but someone always has some chores that demand immediate gratification. Sometimes its me but most of the time its them.

I meet my cousins not much more than once in a year or two but it doesn’t pinch as much as a few weeks of separation from friends. To say that friends are chosen and relatives are given would be a cliche and to point out that ‘milney ka maza to intezaar main hai’ (the pleasure of meeting lies in the wait) would be too much melodramatic. But all these things make so much sense now. Now, I can understand the feelings that ran through someone’s heart when they met there friends after months or years let alone weeks.

Even today we were planning something but just as inevitable as one thing can be, work and prior commitments came in the way.We do understand that we are grownups now, and it’s our time to bear the burden that are responsibilities,but i wish for once… .

I know i am not the only one to be going through this, we all have at least once in our lives had these confused,sad and angry feelings, but these are taking a hefty toll, especially on this  kid who lives at home and keeps on asking the same question where’s the party tonight?