Monthly Archives: July 2012

Rabbit vs Tortoise,The lost word

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I might have been six or seven when my dad first told me the tale of the rabbit who lost to a tortoise. And like any other kid of my age my reaction to the story was,lets just say quite predictable. I laughed at the stupidity and over confidence of the rabbit and was impressed by the determination of the tortoise, believed that hard work conquers all, blah blah.

Few weeks later me and my family went on a picnic near the woods. I still vaguely remember the day,where I was about to had the adventure of my life (but more on that later). It was like an any other warm spring evening. Mom and dad were sitting on a mat,chatting while me and my brother were playing catch, actually it was more of a fetch the ball where he used to throw the ball as far as he could and I was to get it back as fast as I can, let me tell you, for a guy who is just 4 years older than me he had amazingly strong arms or as he used to call them ‘bazookas’. It was getting late, so with all his might he bazooked it for one last time and it landed in the woods and as the game was, I went after it. I went deep inside the woods, in search of a green tennis ball. I was looking for the ball when I felt a moist breath on my elbow and then the voice came from behind “find your ball here you will not”. Horrified! I turned around and standing in front of me was a brute dressed in a brown sack towering about half a meter, stooping on a cane, a little green rabbit. For a boy who grew up listening about jungle folks finding a talking rabbit in jungle was, well pretty awesome.

There he told me a number of incredible stories I can’t recall most of them but I do remember one in vivid details, the one which completely shocked me. And that is the one I’m going to share now.

The old green rabbit in his soft and feeble voice spoke in weirdly constructed short sentences. He told me about 800 years ago when he was a young strongly built chap, he used to be the fastest runner the jungle had ever saw. The word about his accomplishments spread throughout the great greens, he became popular every animal wanted to be like him, every lady animal wanted to be with him and this success went into his head. He became disrespectful and inconsiderate towards other animals. Years passed, when he was about to announced his retirement there came an old cat in black boots, who challenged him that his nephew the blue eyed, torto can beat him anytime, anywhere. The rabbit, being too proud in his abilities, first laughed off the challenge but the sheer audacity of the cat to challenge the lightning bolt with such a slothful creation grew on him. He accepted the challenge announcing that it will be his last race, little did he knew of the clever ways of the cat. The race was set in for a two weeks time. For two weeks the rabbit trained hard for his last race, while the  cat went around the race track again and again as if memorizing every nook and corner.

Then came the race day, it was a long race as they had to lap the entire town and the whole town was waiting for them at the finish line. But just before the race, in the name of a friendly gesture the cat offered him a taco and being gracious enough the rabbit accepted it. Shortly after the race started the rabbit took an unassailable lead over tort and as he passed through the thick chaparrals his vision started to get blurry, dizziness overpowered his senses and he collapsed but the force inside him was strong, he regained his conscientiousness within minutes. He was sure that even with the time wasted in the woods he would still win the race as torto wouldn’t have gone more than a few blocks. As he ran even faster the sight of finish line grew in his eyes, but what he saw was beyond his worst nightmare. He looked at the proceeding ghastly as torto was being crowned the champion, his radiant brown eyes pierced rabbit’s heart.

Several weeks later he found out that the old cat has not one but two twin nephews the blue eyed torto and brown eyed iese. Feeling betrayed he went to town after town saying that it was torto and iese who defeated him , every animal who heard the sad tale of the rabbit felt sorry for him and was left a little impressed by the cleverness of the old cat. For years they recited the rabbit’s tale to each other on dinner, in family outings or over bonfires. They called it – the tale of the rabbit who lost to torto and iese. Over the many -many retelling that took place, few things were added to the story and a few details were omitted, one of them was ‘and’ in the title.

Planet Hell, Unearthed.

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as a child i was always fascinated by two things or one can say two questions. 1)Are we alone in this universe? and 2)Why is it so damn hot!,all the time?

After years and years of deliberation with priests, scientists and fancy jobs alike. I realized that I can not take these two questions in isolation. Then I found ‘The Answer’. I have an idea, an idea so controversial that if Dan brown found about this Tom hanks will return as Robert Langdon , an idea so polemical that if any one in the parish gets to know about this, I shall be done. Thank god! I have an anonymous blog that very few have the time to read.

So, The question arises what is this idea?

Here it is (Drum-rolls)…What if earth is the hell of some another planet!!

Think about it, we can not be alone in this universe, we have so many galaxies and there has to be at least one planet that has the atmosphere like us. There has to be at least one other planet with life on it. and I’m not alone who is thinking this I have the support of millions of star wars nerds  and alien conspiracy junkies.The question is not where are we going to find it but when are we going to find it?.

Now on the second part, about the destroying of earth. This not only includes The global warming, The exploitation of resources,The Deforestation etc but also includes terrorism and wars which are slowly but steadily destroying the earth in its physical form and its spirituality by eroding the value system of earthlings.

Now is the time for the EXPLANATION:

As the story goes, Earth was once a beautiful place, some of it still is- The Mountains(or whatever is left of them). Earth once was a harmonious place, some of it still is- The Mountains. Then arrive us : The Dudes. And The Dudes did what they do best, they set on their motorcycles and rode all over the earth, leveling each and everything that came in their way without knowing the consequences.But some of the Dudes realized their mistake and formed their own clan,to stop the dudes, lets call them The Geeks.The Geeks started to educate the Dudes about the evils of their doings and were successful in converting few dudes into geeks. But as the old prophecy goes “If one falls, more will rise” The Dudes always outnumbered The Geeks.

Now years have passed the geeks are still fighting with the dudes. But as the geeks are, insubstantial and feeble the only thing they can do is watch the Dudes with horror and pain, as they destroy their home with their own hands. Converting this resourceful mass into a colossal piece of impotent land or The Hell.

And all those martians, which do not perform their chores or are not law abiding citizens are reincarnated here as either The Dudes or The Geeks and suffer through Hell by watching this beautiful planet becoming , well, Hell.

Dairy of a CERNtified nerd

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12:15 am

wohoo!!

yes!

yes! I did it…we did it!

1:00 am

today is the happiest day of my life….

i cant remember how many times i have dreamt of this..

40 years of planning ,4 years of relentless experimentation and analysis by numerous scientists and a billion dollar investment finally paid off…(Status updated)

1:30 am

had a glass of champagne with colleagues. Feeling dizzy…going to bed.

6:30  am

just woke up,need to look good…going to hit the gym…

7:15 am

all cleaned up!! nothing like a good hot bath after a sweaty session…

9:50 am

off the phone from grandma…told her…we have found ‘the’ particle, the creator of universe,’the god particle’,,she replyed that she had found god since she was little and      “one day he will knock some sense in me too”….oh! grandma you beautiful,chubby, stupid old woman.

10:00 am

my photo is in the papers…whoopee!! 🙂

2:15 pm

Hungry!…going for lunch may be Italian.

2:30 pm

Old man across the table reading the newspaper…(Hi there!)

4:30pm

was briefing the old man about our latest achievement and what does it mean to science, he left in the midway 😦 , looked rather pale. oh shit…omg!! oh my god!!… The old man collapsed….Somebody plz help him!!! HELP HELP…why the hell I’m writing this (when i shd be yelling!!)

7:00 pm

BORED..nothing to do..shdn’t have taken the day off.. 😦

8:00 pm

going to get some dinner… will avoid spaghetti kitchen 😦

9:30 pm

returned from dinner…told a beautiful women what hav i achieved,seemed impressed…her stupid kid thought we were talking abt Higg’s ‘bosom’…laughed…hehehe..that was funny

10:00 pm

Ooh!  CSI:Geneva is on!

12:00 am

WOW!!! just checked fb…

11 likes and 6 comments on my status….This is the happiest day of my life 🙂

Poor country’s affluent gods

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I have been to several temples in my short life and apart from many other things that are similar between them, the one thing that really caught my eye was the sight of little children standing beside the big yellow rusty trunks very aptly titled daan peti(donation box) with their hands facing heavens, pressed against their chests waiting to get their share of the grace.And being god’s most gracious creation we have made sure that all of them are overflowing while the hands remains boney, dirty and empty.

one can understand the pleasure in watching the disappointment that creeps up on the young wrinkled faces when the bhkat (devotee) slips one hand in the pocket and takes out a10 or 100 rupee note,while a young poorly built excuse for a little kid,who has been on a forced hunger strike since its birth,watches him with its twinkling beady eyes in anticipation that maybe he is the Messiah that it is he who will end their famine, in the mean while he drops the money in the donation box. As the devotee bangs slightly on the opening to make sure that the money goes right in,the excuse moves on in search of its messiah.

but one also needs to understand the sentiments of the bhakts who have covered hundreds of miles to visit these shrines so that they can give a little part of their earnings as a tribute to the almighty,thanking him for his kindness.While these soiled tiny skeletons disturb them in their rituals,doing shameful unholy things in such sacred places.But… little did they know that for these little excuses god lies in food .

while we relentlessly try to impress the guy who we very fondly called the creator of everything with money, we constantly over look its most beautiful creation…children.

although I’m afraid of getting smite by the almighty for questioning his methods, all of this does make me wonder about this poor country and its affluent gods… but what the hell do i know i m just a kid who lives at home.

Where’s the party tonight?

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sadly nowhere.

it has been weeks since I met my friends… it was after the last exam, we all went to the movies.I can still hear some of us whispering then, that this is probably the last time we are all together.But never once i believed in that, then.

I knew that we will continue to meet may be not on daily basis but definitely once if not twice a week.Its has been nearly two months….i have met few of them but we all have not been together since then. Every weekend we plan our reunion but someone always has some chores that demand immediate gratification. Sometimes its me but most of the time its them.

I meet my cousins not much more than once in a year or two but it doesn’t pinch as much as a few weeks of separation from friends. To say that friends are chosen and relatives are given would be a cliche and to point out that ‘milney ka maza to intezaar main hai’ (the pleasure of meeting lies in the wait) would be too much melodramatic. But all these things make so much sense now. Now, I can understand the feelings that ran through someone’s heart when they met there friends after months or years let alone weeks.

Even today we were planning something but just as inevitable as one thing can be, work and prior commitments came in the way.We do understand that we are grownups now, and it’s our time to bear the burden that are responsibilities,but i wish for once… .

I know i am not the only one to be going through this, we all have at least once in our lives had these confused,sad and angry feelings, but these are taking a hefty toll, especially on this  kid who lives at home and keeps on asking the same question where’s the party tonight?