Tag Archives: fiction

Season Ticket

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Sarah and her Husband

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”

“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”

“Season’s more than half over,” he said.

 

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One Billionth iphone

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Surprise is a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected event. Surprise can have any valence; that is, it can be neutral/moderate, pleasant, or unpleasant. If a person experiences a very powerful or long lasting surprise, it may be considered shock.

But how can it be a surprise, when I meticulously  planned the whole thing three months in advance, spent the last few days counting hair in my armpits and spent the night before ‘that’ day in a sleeping bag outside the store on a sidewalk in fudging cold. So, it wasn’t a surprise. No! Wait! Yes!, yes it was.

It has been more than two months since the launch of iphone8 but last Saturday was the day when ,finally, I had all the resources, i.e time and money but mostly money, to buy one. All that time I had to wait, all that hate I had for people already having one was coming to an end. Although it was a huge day for me but it started like any other. The store opened at 9 and by 9:04 was swamped with hordes of  people. I was  sixth in line. And after watching five other people laughing and crying with sheer joy. I went to the counter and was greeted by a rather bemused looking  employee. As I asked for my phone , a loud siren went off, everyone in the store started clapping and a banner rolled down the front wall reading a figure which had a lot of zeroes. I counted them, it was a big number with 1 followed by 9 zeroes, 1 billion.

It took me a while and a lot of explanation by the apple staff to comprehend the fact that I have become the owner of the 1 billionth iphone. To add to the occasion Tim cook was there, so were few reporters. And  after a lot of celebrations and hoopla I finally got my phone. It was and wasn’t like any other iphone. Made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires, 1 billionth iphone was truly a million dollar phone.

My photo was on the front page. Everywhere I went people asked to look at my phone. Most of them had the same phone but mine was better, some of them even had a bigger phone but mine was heavier, made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires. But the burden of carrying a million dollar phone was something else.

I couldn’t took it out in public places,one day I ran 200 meters and 2 flights of stairs just to get into a public toilet to attend an important call.I couldn’t talk for more than 15 mins. at the same time due to trapping of heat inside the platinum case, there are burnt marks on my left ear from the one time when my mom called. I even had to install an extra lock on the door and bought a safe just to keep it.

But after some time it all became very smooth, in one month I could run faster than I ran ever before, And developed this incredible ability to end any conversation in less than 15 minutes, plus I kinda like the attention it got me. Month after that I learned  kung-fu, now I could even talk in public.

Then came Christmas and I was invited for the Apple’s annual celebrations. The party was lame. but the night was awesome. And in freezing cold I decided to walk myself home. Covered in four layers of clothing I was making my way home when I saw a small kid in soiled clothes sitting roadside, Although it was dark and I was on the other side of the road, the kid looked depressed, lonely and sad.

What then, I surfed ebay on my smartphone. And With money that I made in the next 48 hours, the city’s orphanage became richer by one million dollars. Now they can accommodate 500 more children. And as for me I am now the owner of a sprawling 3600 sq. feet  apartment in a posh neighborhood, celebrating new year in a five star resort with my mother in Hawaii and writing all this down on my new iphone8S, the most incredible iphone yet.

 

 

***BoxerDog***

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The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ——- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”
“That’s nothing,” an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

“$0.99 Only”

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I was asked to write a story that includes some given elements, here are the elements:
1. Kermit, the klutz
2. Spelunking
3. Bobbie Sue (one leg), Grandpa (alien abductee?), Tookie (stoner dog)
4. Dark tone
5. Neon-pink umbrella
6. Nisha, Kermit’s exact opposite (met in a hospital)

This is my response, hope you like it…

Albeit a single bed, a small cupboard with an even smaller bathroom hardly makes for an house but for the sleepy head this ancestral home was much more than what he could have put up with his $3 an hour pay at ‘$0.99 only’. That night would have been like any other if it hadn’t been for that damn phone call.

it was half past 3 and Kermit was sleeping in his ‘bedrom’, coz two O’s demands a lot more space. The night was dark, there were no clouds and no soul in the street to break the deafening silence. With his trusted Tookie, a dog even more peculiar than its name, by his side guarding his masters belongings. Few utensils, some ugly photo frames, a pre WWII radio and a few clothes doesn’t really need any guarding but Tookie was up to it.  It was then, when the phone rang.

It was the Holly Family Hospital, His old man was in the psychiatric ward, ever since he went spelunking and was abducted by the aliens he hasn’t found this ignorant and at times mocking world very sane. Apparently Looney was refusing medicine. It took sleepy head  forty minutes of walk coupled with a a very expensive cab ride to reach there. But by the time he got there pa was back into his extra terrestrial dreams as if panic attack never happened, poor Kermit.

Disappointed and relived came out of the hospital he, looking for a yet another expensive cab ride, this time back to home. Also In search of the cab was someone else. Slim, about five and a half, looked his age, dressed in a black track suit she claimed to be from the same neighborhood , but he had never seen her. That was plausible since except his dad and few others from work sleepy didn’t knew anybody. And the only interactions he had with the opposite gender was with the chubby old ones that came to his store. Thrift, Kermit asked her to share a cab, she agreed. The girl had came to see her grandmother who also had a panic attack, poor girl.

The cab took almost an hour to reach its destination and our sleepy head about half an hour to ask her name, Nisha it was. They chatted a lot in the latter part of the journey; He told her all about his forefathers, she nodded a lot.  They were near their destination but decided to leave the cab and walk rest of the distance. Although he sternly protested but they shared the fare. He told her every story he could manage from his timid life, some of them were even real. Kermit’s house came first, as they were about to part their ways and were saying goodbyes. What kermit saw ran shivers down his spine, The bedroom light was on.

even with a history of klutziness, kermit was sure that he checked the lights before he left. Hurriedly and horridly they ran through the stairs. And to add to his horrors the door was ajar. They went inside, the whole house was in mess and sitting in the looney’s rocking chair old, wise, crocked, short, stocky with crutch in his one hand and a gun in the other and a hint of a grin peaking from the thicket that has grown on his face one legged Bobbie sue politely asked “Where is my gold ?”.

Gold! Kermit wasn’t sure that any one in his family has even seen gold. Even upon his repeated rejections Bobby sue didn’t acquiesced. He was in no mood to leave without his gold. He was sure that the gold he and Looney discovered while spelunking was hidden somewhere in this house. Bobby stood up pointed the gun at NIsha and asked for the one final time Whare izz mah ghold!..? . In reply sleepy whistled but nothing happened, to both nisha’s and bobby’s amazement he whistled again, again nothing happened. “Where is Tookie?” Asked Kermit. With a shimmer in his eyes “some where safe, but not for long“Sue replied.

Bobby left the building saying that they both have two hours to get him the gold otherwise he can forget “the damn dog!”. Kermit told her that she can leave but Nisha was very cooperative. She asked him wether his father ever mentioned or hinted at any thing to him about this, the reply was negative. Sleepy was sure that of all the conversations that took place in this house between him and his old man gold was never mentioned or hinted in any one of them.

They began searching the house, first they emptied the cupboard, although most of it was already on the floor. As Nisha was going through rest of the stuff. Kermit stood on his tows and with his arms stretched above his head, he searched the top of the cupboard with his eyes closed as he was trying to feel even the slightest of the things that could have been placed there.  Even with his arms stretched he couldn’t get to the backend of the surface. So he decided to jump and give a full swipe of his hand. He did the same and to his luck he actually hit something it fell on the ground but so did the klutzy.

It was the ugly photo frames wrapped in a thin clothe. The clothe wasn’t much of the protector, Sharp edge of one of the frames pierced the cloth, dented the wooden floor and also it self. The dull pink color from the edge came off and instead of the expected black color the frame was made up of some amber colored metal. He purposely scratched all three rest of them and they all were of the same build.

With glitter in his eyes and sheer bewilderment on his face he looked at the frames in his hand, they were quite heavy but he didn’t mind. It was then, when nisha snapped the frames from his hand and reminded him of Tookie, whom she never met, and his love for the dogs, nisha loved pet dogs.  The thought of running away with both the frames and nisha came to his mind several time but so did the happy memories of the stoner face. It was nearly dawn, With a heavy heart he went to the pre-decided meeting point and exchanged the frames for the damn dog. He patted Tookie, on his way back, he turned and ask NIsha “I guess you aren’t coming”  to which she replied “not without my dad and the Gold”.

Kermit was back at work, as usual he went up the ladder procured the asked item, came down the ladder. But this time was different, though he was at work his mind was somewhere else, he was thinking about the adventures of last night and how few hours back for roughly sixty minutes he had a fortune and a beautiful girl.As he handed over the neon pink umbrella to an old chubby lady, she asked “how much?“.
“$0.99 only” he replied.

Seeking Nirvana

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the day was like any other the sun was beaming hard, a lot of hustling and bustling in the street most of it was unnecessary, except it was a holiday. Although I cherish the rare breed that holidays are, but spending four back to back in a strange town with very few, hardly any, friends or acquaintances  was an insipid task. It was the forth day and my boredom was at its zenith. With absolutely nothing to do and a 1970 tv set which was showing (although flickering would be more appropriate) daily soaps in an incomprehensible local language. I sat on a rocking chair near the window with stone cutters from nearby under construction house providing background music. I tried reading but my heart was somewhere else, somewhere 1000 miles away where my family and friends were celebrating this festive season.

all these thoughts made my eyelids unbearably heavy and I dozed off. It was late in the afternoon when rain bombarding my tin roof broke my captivation. As usual  power was out,though power came here four-five years ago, even she doesn’t spend more than half a day here. Sluggishly I got my self out the chair, feeling a bit underdone in my belly and with my trusted umbrella accompanying me I went out to eat. But for reasons beyond my understanding, my regular dinner was closed on a ‘festive holiday’. With umbrella in one hand and misfortune in another, I went further down the road, starving. I was walking parallel to a tree line and the sudden showers had breath life into them.

the rain was more of a drizzle now and my umbrella was working as a cane. It was getting a little dark when I heard a whistle coming from the woods. Like the rain it was light but persistent. And as so many other stories go I too followed the sound. It was melodious, the whistle, definitely the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, I was no longer hungry. Deep inside the woods I went, desperately wanting to find the source of such euphonious sound. My walk turned into trot but the whistle was fading, as if the person was running away from me.

under a spell I persuaded the sound but of no use. No matter how fast I walk, the whistle was sneaking away. It was dark now with full moon providing the only illumination,that was a beautiful scene but I didn’t had the time. Tired and desperately in search of nirvana. For one last hurrah, with one last gasp of breath I ran towards the origin. I ran between the trees, smashing all the follower beds that came in the way. I was almost out of breath when I saw the cave. It was a black cave not big in size but large enough to let one or two person sit inside and play music. The sight of a cave in a thick Forrest after dark is both intriguing and frightening but holding my umbrella as the Excalibur I entered.

to my bewilderment the cave was huge from inside and had a waterfall in it. I could hear the sound loud and clear and it wasn’t fading. oh! the sound it was mesmerizing and it was coming from behind the waterfall. There was no point in leaving now, I had to find the truth. I went inside the waterfall and came out on the other end.

What I saw is very hard for me to describe. I was standing on a port with ships bigger than the football fields, bigger than what I have seen in the movies. There were more people than I have seen in my entire life. Bright and bold cars raced past each other. Shops had there personal huge tv screens displaying there signs. Streetlights everywhere not a single crook on the street was dark, absolute abundance of electricity.It felt like my own space odyssey.I wondered on the street for awhile. But my joy was short-lived. I got bored of it, sheer chaos it was. All the cars, the sirens on ships, people yelling outside their coffee shops asking others to come in and the constant nonstop ringing of portable phones were deafening me. I went there looking for a melodious sound, a sound which was soothing to my soul but all that purposeless honking, ringing, yelling and loud music all that noise was hurting my ears. I saw ships bigger than fields, buildings taller than mountains, there were more people on the street than in my whole country but the view wasn’t appealing, even the air was hurting my eyes. I couldn’t understand what was happening, where had I come. It was then, a newspaper caught my sight. I picked it up, the photographs were in color but the thing that caught my eyes was the date which read aug22,2012.

Best Old Age Home

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There are things which are just too good to be untrue and this is one of them.

A man was taking his old Mother to a home for old people. He wanted her to have the best one so he was investigating many of them. So one day he came to a home and the Head of the staff wanted to show him around. He asked his Mother to sit and wait in the entrance and the personal was going to watch over her

Fotosearch

while he was gone.

The old woman sat there for a while and then she suddenly started to lean over to the left side. A nurse hurried up to her, moved her up and placed a pillow at her left side. After a short while the old woman started to lean towards the right side. Of course the little nurse hurried to her and put her up in position, putting another pillow at her right side. Just a little while longer and the Mom now started to lean forward. She got propped up again by the nurse.

Now the son came back from his inspection. He had found that this home was absolutely the best he had seen. All rooms were very nicely furnished and there were skilled personal for the old ones. The price was also acceptable so he really thought that he found the right place for his Mom.

“Mom”, he said “I really think you will be happy here! What do you say?”

The Mother said: ” I do not want to stay here!” He was surprised and said: “But Mom – this is just the way you like it.  You will be taken good care of here.”

The old Lady said really firmly: ” I will not stay here – they don´t allow me to fart!”

Source: http://www.squidoo.com

Morning Glory

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how should i go about this..

um….

okhay!

Let me start by telling you something about me. I love mother earth and everything about it , well not everything but many things, I love the wonderful water falls, the lush green grasses, the exotic jungles, from the mighty Himalayas to the tiny insects especially the teeny ones….I can go on and on but you got the gist.

and as one wise human has said “It is in the early morning hour that the unseen is seen, and that the far-off beauty and glory, vanquishing all their vagueness, move down upon us till they stand clear as crystal close over against the soul”. I too love the mornings, I love waking up early in the morning and taking my long and adventurous morning walks. but today i had the most extraordinary one.

It started like usual, I woke up before everyone else even before the sun, and very quietly I exited the house. I walked very quietly escaping the sight of  everyone else who was in the way, people wondering in the night just creeps me out.

as I walk down the streets, I find myself immersed by its serenity. Up till now, there are no words to describe the morning picture; not a single syllable. Many admire the autumn day, but when better to see the warm orange glow of the sun then dawn! Walking alongside the road brings you to numerous scenic locations. The way the sunlight hits the buildings; the outline of the magnificent constructions.To complete the scene, autumn trees of all sorts and colors crouched at the sides. The leaves have not abandoned the trees yet, although the vibrancy of its contours faded slightly. It is as if there is an unwritten change, that when something grows old and dies, something else awakens to replace the dead.

But before I could gasp the picturesque beauty in all its glory, the movement on the road had increased, there were a lot more people now. As I made my way past them, carefully avoiding each and every one of them I passed by a dog, maybe I was a little ‘too close’, probably I brushed him but to add to my horrors he was loose.

What then, I ran on my all fours and he on his. We were like bonnie and clyde, inseparable. We went past the tree lines, crossed a river, by the time we reached the outskirts my stamina had started to give away. With every passing second I was breathing more and more heavily. We crossed the large fields and came over the landfills. I could sense that my face had turned red with all that running, my legs were cramping up but I couldn’t let my self inhale that air for even one second and from there with my hand covering my nose and mouth I ran on my all threes. But he was a dog possessed, The incredibly fouled air had no impact on him. But somehow we made our way passed the landfills and landed on a construction site, and as I was about free my nose from its confinement, there I saw the board which said ‘Sulfur Mines’. My face was colorless, the heart was about to burst out of the chest, the stamina was ceasing, I lost all the feelings in the legs, the lungs were bagging for air, but I ran. As I was about to collapsed and let the dog has his way with me, there I saw a boundary wall. A wall taller than the mount Fuji itself, surely the damn dog cant climb that. And with one hand on my nose with my trembling legs I went towards the wall but the dog was determined too and with every passing moment I was conceding my lead so with all my might for one last hoorah!, like a tiger trying to catch its pray, I pounced on the wall and scaled it in seconds. Finally! I was free, I have won.

I had succeeded,my predicament had finally ended, no more dog, no more running and a lot of air. Fresh, cool, sweet air. Ah! air you beauty you almost took my breath away.

As the respiratory system was getting back on its feet, the eyes were busy scanning the premises and they stopped on a sign, a sign which had a black solid fan inscribed in a solid yellow circle inscribed in a triangle. I didn’t get it either so I looked for more clues and then I saw a board which read ‘Plutonium decomposes highly radioactive, wear mask at all times’.

That was my story. And here I am writing all that down as planets first talking lizard or the first one to confessed so.