Nuts,Guts and Cracked Eggs


Sometimes u don’t know what u want in life, until u get kicked in the nuts, literally.

This is precisely what happened to me, on a late freezing winters night I was walking on an abandoned strip outside the city. Minding my own business, lost in my thoughts. Pondering about my personal and professional lives. Evaluating which one was worst, when suddenly I was ambushed by some local goons.  They were three, and each one of them could easily be counted as three.

no wait!

I am not telling u this face to face, u cant see me. haah!! this is an anonymus blog u dont even know my name, or where i live. Damn! u dont know first thing about me. then why the hell I am lying my guts out. Although one thing so far is true, my guts did came out  that day. And yes, no I mean sorry, it was a day not a night but a bright sunny day.

lets start all over again…

It was a bright sunny day. And from where I live, by sunny day we mean that the sun is so close to u that u can pinch his cheeks or count his eye lashes. With absolutly nothing to look farword to professionly and dady’s money to splurge, or whats left of it. I along with two friends, was roaming in a local market .

Before we get ahead. u should know something about my friends. A) they spend more hours in gym than sleeping B) for some reason they only focus on their chests and that of thier female companions. C) after 8 months of A n B they look like letter ‘V’ or ‘W’ if both of them are walking together, i used to call them Humpty and Dumpty.  And D) they both wear pants that are so thight, so tight that sometimes I fear if it possibly can get any tighter, oil will come out of thier bodies.

coming back to where we left off,

so wondering in the streets of a nearby bazaar, with the ‘W’,  dripping like a faucet under the beaming sun, but still managing to look cool shoulders above. I looked at every passing girl,woman, mother of small twins, mediam twins, large twins, extra large…I think I should stop  now(i do have this tendency to go overboard, soon u’ll realize). It was then, when I saw the most beautiful girl that I had seen that whole afternoon. Needles to say that I had fallen hopelessly in love with her. She along with her double d’s, I mean two dee-dee’s (sisters), sorry! Bad tendency, was there, I think, for me and the ‘W’.

With coconut in one hand and handkerchief in other I went towards her . We both looked in each others eyes. Deep purple, she had the most weird n lovely piece of contact lenses on.

hello!, said I.

move!! came the reply, she was a nightingale.

I offered to wipe her forehead. Surprised, she looked at her sisters, which were bieng simultaneously given the full body scan by my trusted aides.

Ruthlessly she took the handkerchief from my hand and threw it on the road. Straight in to the fresh green dung, cow dung.

She and her sisters were gettin agitated, i could see. But I too was her biggest admirer.

As Humpty was still busy giving the body scan and Dumpty was trying all his might to bend (remember the pants) and pickup the handkerchief. While with both my hands I offered her the coconut…”U can have this also!”

And With both of her hands she grabbed my nut, coconut.

with the my big, round, tender and juicy coconut in her hands (LOL!!!) she looked at her sisters, standing by her each shoulder. I was ecstatic, as  both of them gave her the nod. she raised the coconut over her sweaty forehead and  passed it to her sister. Which wasn’t too bad herself, or in absolute terms doable (Sorry!). Humpty’s eyes were fixed,He stood their motionless, senseless. What he saw transcended him in to another world. And Dumpty was still triyng to pickup the rag. I was the only with the eye contact.

HAAIYAA! one of them cried.

and with all her might one sister threw or rather slammed that coconut on humpty’s head. And like any guy who just had been hit on the back of his head by a huge coconut, he fell! The slamming of the coconut made a loud noise. Unable to comprehend what has happened, Dumpty hurriedly move back up and in that process the back of his pants, barely holding, couldn’t resist any more and gave away. With no boxers and the most ugliest part of his body now on public display , embarresed as hell he ran with his hands covering his modesty with all his streangth he could conjure up in those chicken legs, he ran!

I was the last man standing in front of  Charlie’s angels, not to mention three sets of beedy but ferocious looking Green, deep purple and orange eyes,.

And with another cry of HAAIYAA!!…. it was the last sound I remember  that came of those luscious lips. My dream girl planted one, right in my large but soft spot. 😦

Eyes went red, blood supply  in the head stopped. My balls came in my mouth and I fell.

I woke up in a hospital later that night, thankfully no complaint was filled.

With a whole night to myself, nursing my cracked eggs. I thought long and hard (unlike my… 😦 ) about my life. Trying to find the answers to boring questions like what have i became, what is going to be my future, what shoud i do with my life. And after hours n hours of deep thinking I finally discovered the purpose of my life.

I have realized that to get that sacred inner peace (which that old green rabbit so gravely brag about), I have to learn karate and find those sisters. And after one week of physical therapy, I will begin my quest and in 2 to 5 years, depending upon my interest level and their availability, I along with Humpty and Dumpty will hunt them individually.


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