Category Archives: Twisted tales

One Billionth iphone

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Surprise is a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected event. Surprise can have any valence; that is, it can be neutral/moderate, pleasant, or unpleasant. If a person experiences a very powerful or long lasting surprise, it may be considered shock.

But how can it be a surprise, when I meticulously  planned the whole thing three months in advance, spent the last few days counting hair in my armpits and spent the night before ‘that’ day in a sleeping bag outside the store on a sidewalk in fudging cold. So, it wasn’t a surprise. No! Wait! Yes!, yes it was.

It has been more than two months since the launch of iphone8 but last Saturday was the day when ,finally, I had all the resources, i.e time and money but mostly money, to buy one. All that time I had to wait, all that hate I had for people already having one was coming to an end. Although it was a huge day for me but it started like any other. The store opened at 9 and by 9:04 was swamped with hordes of  people. I was  sixth in line. And after watching five other people laughing and crying with sheer joy. I went to the counter and was greeted by a rather bemused looking  employee. As I asked for my phone , a loud siren went off, everyone in the store started clapping and a banner rolled down the front wall reading a figure which had a lot of zeroes. I counted them, it was a big number with 1 followed by 9 zeroes, 1 billion.

It took me a while and a lot of explanation by the apple staff to comprehend the fact that I have become the owner of the 1 billionth iphone. To add to the occasion Tim cook was there, so were few reporters. And  after a lot of celebrations and hoopla I finally got my phone. It was and wasn’t like any other iphone. Made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires, 1 billionth iphone was truly a million dollar phone.

My photo was on the front page. Everywhere I went people asked to look at my phone. Most of them had the same phone but mine was better, some of them even had a bigger phone but mine was heavier, made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires. But the burden of carrying a million dollar phone was something else.

I couldn’t took it out in public places,one day I ran 200 meters and 2 flights of stairs just to get into a public toilet to attend an important call.I couldn’t talk for more than 15 mins. at the same time due to trapping of heat inside the platinum case, there are burnt marks on my left ear from the one time when my mom called. I even had to install an extra lock on the door and bought a safe just to keep it.

But after some time it all became very smooth, in one month I could run faster than I ran ever before, And developed this incredible ability to end any conversation in less than 15 minutes, plus I kinda like the attention it got me. Month after that I learned  kung-fu, now I could even talk in public.

Then came Christmas and I was invited for the Apple’s annual celebrations. The party was lame. but the night was awesome. And in freezing cold I decided to walk myself home. Covered in four layers of clothing I was making my way home when I saw a small kid in soiled clothes sitting roadside, Although it was dark and I was on the other side of the road, the kid looked depressed, lonely and sad.

What then, I surfed ebay on my smartphone. And With money that I made in the next 48 hours, the city’s orphanage became richer by one million dollars. Now they can accommodate 500 more children. And as for me I am now the owner of a sprawling 3600 sq. feet  apartment in a posh neighborhood, celebrating new year in a five star resort with my mother in Hawaii and writing all this down on my new iphone8S, the most incredible iphone yet.

 

 

“$0.99 Only”

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I was asked to write a story that includes some given elements, here are the elements:
1. Kermit, the klutz
2. Spelunking
3. Bobbie Sue (one leg), Grandpa (alien abductee?), Tookie (stoner dog)
4. Dark tone
5. Neon-pink umbrella
6. Nisha, Kermit’s exact opposite (met in a hospital)

This is my response, hope you like it…

Albeit a single bed, a small cupboard with an even smaller bathroom hardly makes for an house but for the sleepy head this ancestral home was much more than what he could have put up with his $3 an hour pay at ‘$0.99 only’. That night would have been like any other if it hadn’t been for that damn phone call.

it was half past 3 and Kermit was sleeping in his ‘bedrom’, coz two O’s demands a lot more space. The night was dark, there were no clouds and no soul in the street to break the deafening silence. With his trusted Tookie, a dog even more peculiar than its name, by his side guarding his masters belongings. Few utensils, some ugly photo frames, a pre WWII radio and a few clothes doesn’t really need any guarding but Tookie was up to it.  It was then, when the phone rang.

It was the Holly Family Hospital, His old man was in the psychiatric ward, ever since he went spelunking and was abducted by the aliens he hasn’t found this ignorant and at times mocking world very sane. Apparently Looney was refusing medicine. It took sleepy head  forty minutes of walk coupled with a a very expensive cab ride to reach there. But by the time he got there pa was back into his extra terrestrial dreams as if panic attack never happened, poor Kermit.

Disappointed and relived came out of the hospital he, looking for a yet another expensive cab ride, this time back to home. Also In search of the cab was someone else. Slim, about five and a half, looked his age, dressed in a black track suit she claimed to be from the same neighborhood , but he had never seen her. That was plausible since except his dad and few others from work sleepy didn’t knew anybody. And the only interactions he had with the opposite gender was with the chubby old ones that came to his store. Thrift, Kermit asked her to share a cab, she agreed. The girl had came to see her grandmother who also had a panic attack, poor girl.

The cab took almost an hour to reach its destination and our sleepy head about half an hour to ask her name, Nisha it was. They chatted a lot in the latter part of the journey; He told her all about his forefathers, she nodded a lot.  They were near their destination but decided to leave the cab and walk rest of the distance. Although he sternly protested but they shared the fare. He told her every story he could manage from his timid life, some of them were even real. Kermit’s house came first, as they were about to part their ways and were saying goodbyes. What kermit saw ran shivers down his spine, The bedroom light was on.

even with a history of klutziness, kermit was sure that he checked the lights before he left. Hurriedly and horridly they ran through the stairs. And to add to his horrors the door was ajar. They went inside, the whole house was in mess and sitting in the looney’s rocking chair old, wise, crocked, short, stocky with crutch in his one hand and a gun in the other and a hint of a grin peaking from the thicket that has grown on his face one legged Bobbie sue politely asked “Where is my gold ?”.

Gold! Kermit wasn’t sure that any one in his family has even seen gold. Even upon his repeated rejections Bobby sue didn’t acquiesced. He was in no mood to leave without his gold. He was sure that the gold he and Looney discovered while spelunking was hidden somewhere in this house. Bobby stood up pointed the gun at NIsha and asked for the one final time Whare izz mah ghold!..? . In reply sleepy whistled but nothing happened, to both nisha’s and bobby’s amazement he whistled again, again nothing happened. “Where is Tookie?” Asked Kermit. With a shimmer in his eyes “some where safe, but not for long“Sue replied.

Bobby left the building saying that they both have two hours to get him the gold otherwise he can forget “the damn dog!”. Kermit told her that she can leave but Nisha was very cooperative. She asked him wether his father ever mentioned or hinted at any thing to him about this, the reply was negative. Sleepy was sure that of all the conversations that took place in this house between him and his old man gold was never mentioned or hinted in any one of them.

They began searching the house, first they emptied the cupboard, although most of it was already on the floor. As Nisha was going through rest of the stuff. Kermit stood on his tows and with his arms stretched above his head, he searched the top of the cupboard with his eyes closed as he was trying to feel even the slightest of the things that could have been placed there.  Even with his arms stretched he couldn’t get to the backend of the surface. So he decided to jump and give a full swipe of his hand. He did the same and to his luck he actually hit something it fell on the ground but so did the klutzy.

It was the ugly photo frames wrapped in a thin clothe. The clothe wasn’t much of the protector, Sharp edge of one of the frames pierced the cloth, dented the wooden floor and also it self. The dull pink color from the edge came off and instead of the expected black color the frame was made up of some amber colored metal. He purposely scratched all three rest of them and they all were of the same build.

With glitter in his eyes and sheer bewilderment on his face he looked at the frames in his hand, they were quite heavy but he didn’t mind. It was then, when nisha snapped the frames from his hand and reminded him of Tookie, whom she never met, and his love for the dogs, nisha loved pet dogs.  The thought of running away with both the frames and nisha came to his mind several time but so did the happy memories of the stoner face. It was nearly dawn, With a heavy heart he went to the pre-decided meeting point and exchanged the frames for the damn dog. He patted Tookie, on his way back, he turned and ask NIsha “I guess you aren’t coming”  to which she replied “not without my dad and the Gold”.

Kermit was back at work, as usual he went up the ladder procured the asked item, came down the ladder. But this time was different, though he was at work his mind was somewhere else, he was thinking about the adventures of last night and how few hours back for roughly sixty minutes he had a fortune and a beautiful girl.As he handed over the neon pink umbrella to an old chubby lady, she asked “how much?“.
“$0.99 only” he replied.

Rabbit vs Tortoise,The lost word

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I might have been six or seven when my dad first told me the tale of the rabbit who lost to a tortoise. And like any other kid of my age my reaction to the story was,lets just say quite predictable. I laughed at the stupidity and over confidence of the rabbit and was impressed by the determination of the tortoise, believed that hard work conquers all, blah blah.

Few weeks later me and my family went on a picnic near the woods. I still vaguely remember the day,where I was about to had the adventure of my life (but more on that later). It was like an any other warm spring evening. Mom and dad were sitting on a mat,chatting while me and my brother were playing catch, actually it was more of a fetch the ball where he used to throw the ball as far as he could and I was to get it back as fast as I can, let me tell you, for a guy who is just 4 years older than me he had amazingly strong arms or as he used to call them ‘bazookas’. It was getting late, so with all his might he bazooked it for one last time and it landed in the woods and as the game was, I went after it. I went deep inside the woods, in search of a green tennis ball. I was looking for the ball when I felt a moist breath on my elbow and then the voice came from behind “find your ball here you will not”. Horrified! I turned around and standing in front of me was a brute dressed in a brown sack towering about half a meter, stooping on a cane, a little green rabbit. For a boy who grew up listening about jungle folks finding a talking rabbit in jungle was, well pretty awesome.

There he told me a number of incredible stories I can’t recall most of them but I do remember one in vivid details, the one which completely shocked me. And that is the one I’m going to share now.

The old green rabbit in his soft and feeble voice spoke in weirdly constructed short sentences. He told me about 800 years ago when he was a young strongly built chap, he used to be the fastest runner the jungle had ever saw. The word about his accomplishments spread throughout the great greens, he became popular every animal wanted to be like him, every lady animal wanted to be with him and this success went into his head. He became disrespectful and inconsiderate towards other animals. Years passed, when he was about to announced his retirement there came an old cat in black boots, who challenged him that his nephew the blue eyed, torto can beat him anytime, anywhere. The rabbit, being too proud in his abilities, first laughed off the challenge but the sheer audacity of the cat to challenge the lightning bolt with such a slothful creation grew on him. He accepted the challenge announcing that it will be his last race, little did he knew of the clever ways of the cat. The race was set in for a two weeks time. For two weeks the rabbit trained hard for his last race, while the  cat went around the race track again and again as if memorizing every nook and corner.

Then came the race day, it was a long race as they had to lap the entire town and the whole town was waiting for them at the finish line. But just before the race, in the name of a friendly gesture the cat offered him a taco and being gracious enough the rabbit accepted it. Shortly after the race started the rabbit took an unassailable lead over tort and as he passed through the thick chaparrals his vision started to get blurry, dizziness overpowered his senses and he collapsed but the force inside him was strong, he regained his conscientiousness within minutes. He was sure that even with the time wasted in the woods he would still win the race as torto wouldn’t have gone more than a few blocks. As he ran even faster the sight of finish line grew in his eyes, but what he saw was beyond his worst nightmare. He looked at the proceeding ghastly as torto was being crowned the champion, his radiant brown eyes pierced rabbit’s heart.

Several weeks later he found out that the old cat has not one but two twin nephews the blue eyed torto and brown eyed iese. Feeling betrayed he went to town after town saying that it was torto and iese who defeated him , every animal who heard the sad tale of the rabbit felt sorry for him and was left a little impressed by the cleverness of the old cat. For years they recited the rabbit’s tale to each other on dinner, in family outings or over bonfires. They called it – the tale of the rabbit who lost to torto and iese. Over the many -many retelling that took place, few things were added to the story and a few details were omitted, one of them was ‘and’ in the title.