One Billionth iphone

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Surprise is a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected event. Surprise can have any valence; that is, it can be neutral/moderate, pleasant, or unpleasant. If a person experiences a very powerful or long lasting surprise, it may be considered shock.

But how can it be a surprise, when I meticulously  planned the whole thing three months in advance, spent the last few days counting hair in my armpits and spent the night before ‘that’ day in a sleeping bag outside the store on a sidewalk in fudging cold. So, it wasn’t a surprise. No! Wait! Yes!, yes it was.

It has been more than two months since the launch of iphone8 but last Saturday was the day when ,finally, I had all the resources, i.e time and money but mostly money, to buy one. All that time I had to wait, all that hate I had for people already having one was coming to an end. Although it was a huge day for me but it started like any other. The store opened at 9 and by 9:04 was swamped with hordes of  people. I was  sixth in line. And after watching five other people laughing and crying with sheer joy. I went to the counter and was greeted by a rather bemused looking  employee. As I asked for my phone , a loud siren went off, everyone in the store started clapping and a banner rolled down the front wall reading a figure which had a lot of zeroes. I counted them, it was a big number with 1 followed by 9 zeroes, 1 billion.

It took me a while and a lot of explanation by the apple staff to comprehend the fact that I have become the owner of the 1 billionth iphone. To add to the occasion Tim cook was there, so were few reporters. And  after a lot of celebrations and hoopla I finally got my phone. It was and wasn’t like any other iphone. Made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires, 1 billionth iphone was truly a million dollar phone.

My photo was on the front page. Everywhere I went people asked to look at my phone. Most of them had the same phone but mine was better, some of them even had a bigger phone but mine was heavier, made up of platinum that too studded with diamonds and sapphires. But the burden of carrying a million dollar phone was something else.

I couldn’t took it out in public places,one day I ran 200 meters and 2 flights of stairs just to get into a public toilet to attend an important call.I couldn’t talk for more than 15 mins. at the same time due to trapping of heat inside the platinum case, there are burnt marks on my left ear from the one time when my mom called. I even had to install an extra lock on the door and bought a safe just to keep it.

But after some time it all became very smooth, in one month I could run faster than I ran ever before, And developed this incredible ability to end any conversation in less than 15 minutes, plus I kinda like the attention it got me. Month after that I learned  kung-fu, now I could even talk in public.

Then came Christmas and I was invited for the Apple’s annual celebrations. The party was lame. but the night was awesome. And in freezing cold I decided to walk myself home. Covered in four layers of clothing I was making my way home when I saw a small kid in soiled clothes sitting roadside, Although it was dark and I was on the other side of the road, the kid looked depressed, lonely and sad.

What then, I surfed ebay on my smartphone. And With money that I made in the next 48 hours, the city’s orphanage became richer by one million dollars. Now they can accommodate 500 more children. And as for me I am now the owner of a sprawling 3600 sq. feet  apartment in a posh neighborhood, celebrating new year in a five star resort with my mother in Hawaii and writing all this down on my new iphone8S, the most incredible iphone yet.

 

 

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2 responses »

  1. origonolS,

    Hi! john from the Book of Pain blog (http://bookofpain.wordpress.com). Just got a message that you liked my poem “it truly doesn’t” and I wanted to say a sincere thank you.

    In the meantime, having dropped by, I have spent far too much time on this time gravity well site of yours than I should have, but I don’t care. These are really funny stories! The one about the portable breathalyzer had me laughing out loud and I am giving you fair warning now: I may well plagiarize “devil in a transistor” in a poem sometime soon.

    Again, thank you! Keep up the excellent writing!

    john

    PS: have you submitted anything to cracked.com? You should. I think they’d love some of your stuff.

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